How to turn off a light that is already off by Nadezhda Grigorova

The sky is muddy with clouds

The wind strips me of my snowy breath

It bangs against the dangling shop sign

Dangling just because of the wind

Never because of steps or the door opening or closing

Golden letters dimmed by Time:

Antiques

In the window

A broken doll

Fine porcelain with even finer fissures

Seems painless

Bloodless lips parted, gaping…

Can I see the inside of the shop there, inside?

I can’t.

Just a void of greedy black

Her eyes are veiled by unseen dust

Static orbs of glass and numbness 

To the left of her…

The sky is muddy with clouds

The Car speeds

Through

Then Over

Then Past

You

Trailing the roads of the world with scarlet, then crimson, then black with a  crust

Sketching a map with your entrails

That will peel away,  fading.

Carving the roads in me until “in me” is soaked with scarlet, then crimson, then black with a crust

Engraving a map of your interrupted Self

That will stay, throbbing…

In the shop window

The doll

To the left of her…

You

Lying with Your open Eyes

Veiled by unseen dust

Static orbs of glass and numbness 

The sky is muddy with clouds

The street is muddy with mud

The Car should have splashed your Eyes

Should have extinguished completely

The flame that loomed there, hungry to lick the universe

Should have.

But it didn’t.

I come often

When the sky is muddy with clouds

When the wind strips me of my snowy breath

When it bangs against the dangling shop sign

Dangling just because of the wind

Never because of steps or the door opening or closing

Golden letters dimmed by Time:

Antiques

In the window

The broken doll is not

But you are

Again and again

Lying with Your open Eyes

Veiled by unseen dust

Static orbs of glass and numbness 

With no flames

Yet a Little Light keeps faltering

Dwindling it is

But it is Light

Why is it here?

Again and again

I want the void of greedy black

That erases, conceals and suppresses 

That cleanses, forsakes and forgives

Yet

Again and again

Your Light keeps haunting

Again and again

Even when the sky is not muddy with clouds

But glazed over with sun

Even when the wind does not strip me of my snowy breath

But gifts me with a breath of green – a wake-up  kiss

Even when it does not bang against the shop sign

Even when there is no shop sign

And no Antiques

And no shop

And no window

You are there

Again and again

You and your Light

Again and again

Your Light

Again and again

I try

Again and again

But

Again and again

How can I turn off a light that is already off?